The Haircut

It is late and I really should be in bed, but instead I'm sitting here to hopefully give my thoughts an opportunity to escape.  On nights like this I seem to be held prisoner by thoughts that lead to other thoughts...then other thoughts...and so on.  Sleep will come easier when my mind is not so full.

Today I cut Colton's hair.  I know-it really shouldn't be a big deal.  But to me it is.  It's like the final admission that he's not a little baby anymore.  (Now, I didn't say these thoughts would be logical, or reasonable).    I managed to put it off for awhile with the excuse that the hair cutting scissors were lost.   New scissors were purchased several weeks ago.  They taunted me from my bathroom counter.   I put them into the back of a drawer, trying to drown out the irrational arguments they started in my head.  But his hair was getting so long...I know certain family members put great effort into biting their tongues (thank you for bearing with my oddities).  Mentally preparing myself, I've been saying out loud for weeks "we really need to cut your hair!".

This morning I just took a deep breath, walked into the bathroom, and did it.  Cut his beautiful golden red locks right off.  Watched them fall lifeless onto the bathroom counter, saying "I told you so!".  And they were right.  He looks bigger, older, a handsome little boy, only not so little.  

I thought I would shed a few tears, but surprisingly enough, I was okay.  But tonight the emotion comes-- the realization that I won't fight this inner battle many more times.  Maybe only once or twice.  And then the tears do begin to form, because it's all going so fast.  How could my years having babies be that close to an end?  I remember when Braelyn was born laying on the delivery table and saying "I can't wait to do this again".  I love this part of my life. I am grateful everyday to my Father in Heaven for letting me be a mother, letting this dream come true.  I know that I am extremely blessed.  

I will be okay.

I feel a little better already.

He is still beautiful.

And he is still my baby.  

Pacifiers and Excuses

Brooklyn still has a pacifier.  She loves her pacifier.  We love that she loves her pacifier.  She turned 2 in Feb., which means she is already overdue to be off the pacifier. But you see, I have such good excuses.  The thing of it is, they make really cute girl pacifiers.  You know, they match the outfit and are shiny and pretty.  The mam website itself says "Over 50 different colors and prints to choose from make it fun to coordinate MAM pacifiers with babies’ outfits, wardrobe or daily mood. (Daily mood,seriously?) And it makes it so easy to put her to sleep, quiet her in church, or stop a fit instantly.  If you had eight kids and two babies 15 months apart, would you be anxious to take away the one thing that can accomplish all of that?   I was actually getting ready to take her off of the pacifier as soon as I was done teaching my class last summer, and before the new baby was born. But then the accident happened, and she needed it. She really did. My poor little girl got a new baby brother and a broken mommy at the same time, and my angel needed something to comfort her. Well, the new baby brother came with a pacifier too. And so it came to pass that Brooklyn realized she had access to pacifiers any time she darn well pleased. We have actually watched her walk in to Colton's room and pluck it out of his peaceful, pouty, sleeping mouth.  (She also steals his blanket in the same manner.) We realized that taking her off a pacifier would mean taking it away from the baby, and he was just little.  But now she talks.  And he is almost one.  And it is a little annoying to listen to a toddler talk through a pacifier.  And she wants it allthe time.  She will pitifully cry out "Pa--ci--fi--er" in the middle of a tantrum.  The kicker was when I was at my moms on Sunday night.  I mentioned something about taking the pacifier away from her and my sister in law asked if it was pushing her teeth out.  I of course said "No".  I mean really, what kind of mother would let her baby have a pacifier to the point of deforming her teeth?  "Her teeth came in with a really wide arch" I hear myself saying.  It is true, but I know I sounded pretty lame.  Amy looked in her mouth and said, "Oh, they are out a little".  And then in an even more feeble attempt I say, "They've always been like that".  Even as the words come out of my mouth I realize I have a problem.  I am in denial.  And to Amy's credit, she didn't utter a single word, didn't even smirk.  So Monday morning I looked in her mouth, and sure enough, her two front teeth are being pushed forward a little. And so it begins.  Taking her off the pacifier.  Right now we only use paci's for nighttime.  So far so good.  I'll let you know how STAKE CONFERENCE (read as two whole hours) goes without a paci.  We'll bring a lot of fruit snacks and hope for the best!!  

5 Things

My friend Sara tagged me about 3 weeks ago, and I am just now getting to this.  It seemed like the easiest way to ease back into blogging, because the content and format were already laid out for me, and that's about the level of energy and creativity I can muster right now.  If you've talked to me recently I'm sorry for sounding like a broken record, but I am SO tired.  I'm afraid I might be tired for the next twenty years.  Oh well.  My dad promises me I will miss all of this someday, and I choose to believe him.  It makes it a lot easier to get through the day, the week, the project, whatever, if you enjoy it while you're doing it!

5 Things I was doing 5 years ago:

1. Turning 30

2. Delivering my 6th baby, Cannon James-and little did I know how he would change my life:)

3. Happily watching my sister Amy fall in love and get married to her incredible husband Don

4. Putting my trust in the Lord and my husband Jody as I watched him drive down the street headed for Florida to try and launch a new business-leaving me with six children 9 and under, serving as primary president, teaching 2 children's performing groups and doing pest control scheduling from my home.  Happy to say, it all paid off!

5. Welcoming Jody back home two days before Christmas after two very long months, happy to have my family back under one roof!  

5 Things on my to do list for today:

1. Laundry, what else?

2. Drive for what seems like an eternity-(schools are a lot further away now that we've moved, I've used almost 3/4 a tank of gas since Tuesday morning)

3. Make a really nice dinner

4. Be patient

5. Make sure my kids know they're loved (p.s.- I cleaned the house yesterday, don't think I'm a slacker!)

5 things I would do with a million dollars:

1. Pay off my house

2. Put away enough money for six missions and eight weddings

3. Take all of my kids to go and see Amy and Don in Europe

4. Buy some land in the mountains

5. Help other people ( I know it sounds like the pageant answer, but really, what else would I need?)

5 places I have lived:

1. Provo, Utah

2. Walpole, Massachusetts 

3. Baton Rouge, Louisiana

4. Katy, Texas

5. Laie, Hawaii

5 jobs I have held:

1. Dishroom worker at BYU

2. Phone operator at BYU-Hawaii (best job on campus)

3. Orthodontic Assistant

4. Piano Teacher

5.Teaching childrens Musical Theater groups

5 things I want to be doing in five years:

1. Watching Conner graduate from high school

2. Having my girl back home for the summer after her first year of college and loving every minute of it

3. Be a positive, happy person- despite the demands of teenagers, tweens, young children, and probably a few toddlers to boot!

4. Spend more time with my best friend (Jody), although that's probably a little optimistic. (See #3)

5. Maybe, possibly, working on a degree

5 people I tag:

1. Amy

2. Amy

3. Heidi

4. Jessica

5. Bobbi