Thursday

Why does 6:00 a.m. sometimes feel like 3:30 a.m.?  I mean really, it felt like an absolutely unearthly hour and I wasn't too happy about having to get up and moving.  The boys were headed out to play racquetball and needed to be up, dressed, fed, and out of the house by 6:40.  I'm usually a morning person and can perk up pretty quickly.  I guess mornings like this are meant to give me some sympathy for people who aren't exactly "morning people", because we have a few of those over here.  It's not like they don't get up early, but the rest of us usually try and steer clear until they seem to be out of zombie mode.

 I dragged my pajama clad body to the kitchen, only opening my eyes every four or five steps so I could make sure I was still on the right path.  I was trying not to talk until I was sure only nice words would come out.  Struggling to clear the cobwebs from my brain, I concentrated on breakfast.  Why do these people have to eat so often?  Why am I out of cold cereal?  Why are people making noise?  I loudly shushed everyone.  Didn't they know my plan?  It was way to many words to form at this level of consciousness, but I had every intention of the babies sleeping through all of this so I could steal a few more precious moments myself after they left.  I tried to communicate all of this with the intensity of my "SHHHHH!!!" That combined with the manic look on my face seemed to get my point across.  Whole wheat pancakes (please don't be impressed, I did not grind the wheat myself- it was Lehi Mill's add water only) made with my eyes half closed, forcing my lids open when I thought it was time to flip, soothed my slight guilt about the consuming thoughts of getting them OUT of the house and me back IN bed.  At least I made them a good breakfast, right?

Once they all had shoes on, breakfast in, racquets out, I practically ran to my room.  Jody was tying his shoes and seemed to be a little surprised that I dove back into bed and pulled the covers over my head.  (This isn't all that usual for me).  Then I heard it- the dreaded noise of a baby crying right when I was on the verge of slipping back into dreamless bliss.  Jody must have noted the panic on my face because before I knew it he had deposited Brooklyn, with blanket and paci (I know, I know) next to me and I soothed her back to seep with a whispered princess story.  We were dozing off when I heard the last set of footsteps and the click of the door closing.  

Brookie cooperated long enough to let me get an extra 30 or 40 minutes.  The other two were still sleeping, so we breakfasted together, just the girls. Boys still sleeping. Then we showered and got dressed.  Boys still sleeping.  Then we did our hair.  Boys still sleeping.  Read a book.  Boys still sleeping.  A glance at the clock let me know it was about time to pick up the boys.  We woke up the little boys, fed them, and threw them into the car, syrupy pajamas and all, and off we went.  

I called Jody to say good morning (I don't think I had found anything particularly good about the morning earlier, and don't think I muttered more than ten words) and that's when I noticed the police car behind me.  This is also when I recalled that I hadn't stuck the new registration sticker on.  No problem, I do have the paper in my car showing I paid.  It's right there with the proof of insurnace.  There, in that cubby.  But wait, why is that cubby...empty?  Then it hit me.  I had the car detailed a few days before and they had put everything they found in each nook, cranny, shoved between seats, and the cubby with important papers, in a big plastic garbage bag.  Believe me, it had to be big.  I had taken it into the house to sift through it, and there it still sat- on the floor in the laundry room.  How was I going to explain this?  The police car mimicked my left turn and then my lane change.  This wasn't looking good.  A mile down the road and him still on my tail, I was preparing my defense.  "Really officer, the car wash story is true.  I have eight kids.  The three days after I have it washed are the only days my car looks this clean.  The papers are in that bag I was telling you about.  You know, the one with the old school papers, fruit snack wrappers, primary talk slips (remember that paper I gave you mom?),  the rock hard chicken nugget and other unidentifiable pieces of food.  If you follow me to the racquetball courts and then back home, I'm pretty sure I could dig them out for you!"  Still in my lane and directly behind me another mile later, I was starting to feel annoyed.  Pull me over already!  Let's just get this over with!  I hate being pulled over.  I feel like a little girl who just got spanked.  Not that I was spanked as a little girl, but it's how I imagine I'd have felt.  Suddenly, he changed lanes and turned the other direction.  Whew!  Dodged that bullet.

The rest of the day progressed nicely.  Caden and I went to Brooklyn's swimming lessons where we got to watch her scream in terror and anger every time it was her turn.  There she would flail, just under the surface of the water shaking her head "NO" as Emily would tell her to kick to the side.   Man that girl is stubborn.  I held my breath every time it was her turn and spent the time in between holding and comforting her, trying not to think about the very large wet spot she left on my lap which made me look like I'd had a very large accident.   Apparently terror, anger, and swimming are a very exhausting combination, because she fell asleep on the way home.  The afternoon was surprisingly peaceful.  I even got some time to lay on the couch and read my latest book, "A Tale of Two Cities"(thanks Amy).  My kids didn't even disturb me when I dozed off for a few minutes.  When nap time was over we went to my mom's to go shopping in her pantry.  They're leaving for Africa next month and she wants her pantry empty, and I was happy to oblige.  The evening turned into one of those spontaneously fun ones.  Jody met us there and we ended up staying for hours.  We ate dinner together under the misted ramada, enjoying the unusually cool and breezy June night.  We sat and visited until past bedtime.  When we pulled into the driveway  the little ones were sleeping.  We cradled them straight to their beds, had family prayer, and all hit the sack.  

What started as a not so great day turned out....perfect.

Heart & Home

                                                    

It's been so long since I posted.  The problem with that is that there are so many things that have happened, things I wanted to get on the blog, but finding the time to catch up is a trick.  So I'll save catching up for another day, and just get on with a few thoughts....

Last week was the first week I've had any downtime since before we moved.  After the move I was always on the go, with kids in three different schools in three not close locations, four if you include preschool.  And I was okay with that.  I didn't want to disrupt their schooling for the last seven weeks of school.  It just meant that there was rarely any time to be home.  I mean, I was home sometimes, but not home...  Then the flurry of the last weeks of May-it really was mind boggling crazy, those few weeks.  Then I jumped right into teaching Music Theater, which is jam packed with fun, but a whole lot of late nights and extra hours.  So last week I was done being a family bus driver, done teaching amazing kids to sing, dance, and light up a stage, and my heart could center on home.

"Home will be where the heart is"...one of my favorite lines from Beauty and the Beast.  And yet, as I sat home on my first quiet (with eight kids this words is all relative:) day I realized that my heart has been longing to be home.  Actually home.  Sitting on the couch and listening to my children's conversations.  Noticing how when I am merely sitting, the children are the happiest.  They know they can have my attention at their beck and call, giving them a sense of stability and happiness like nothing else.  Brooklyn and Cannon running off to play in his room, but returning every few minutes to animatedly tell me  every minute detail of what they are doing.  Spontaneous hugs and kisses from everyone, random "I love you"s.  Older kids that just want to come and sit next to me.  

I love being involved in projects and activities.  But there is such a fine line.  These years are going so quickly and I don't want to spend so much time with my heart overcommitted to outside things that home gets squeezed out.  Of course my heart always deep down wants to be home, but I can often say yes to so many things that I unintentionally give away all the pieces before I realize what is happening.  Then there is that plain old reality--laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, shopping to do, lessons, scouts, mutual, callings... These can't be avoided. But I know the deep peace and happiness I felt on that day needs to happen more often in my life.  I love my family more than anything and I want to give them the very best of me.  I am incredibly blessed and I want my kids one day to look back and realize that my home is where my heart is.  

Our House

Okay, so here are a few pictures of our new house.  Nary a picture on the wall, a window dressed, or surface adorned.  But there will be time for that later.   I don't know exactly when "later" is, except that it is after "now".  We are happy, yet still feeling the loss of a ward and neighbors (especially the next door ones) that we love and are so comfortable with.  Jody said it best in his last testimony in our ward- we have fasted with you, prayed with you, laughed with you...we know those bonds will be created here too, but man we loved our life over there in Crismon Creek.

p.s. there are curtains on one window, but it was like that when we got here!

This kitchen has plenty of room for all the helpers I usually have.

From the kitchen looking into the Family room.

Family Room

This room is like an extra part of the family room.  Right now it is hosting our year supply until we find a better home for it.  We've discovered that a year supply for ten people takes up a lot of room.

This room is right of the entry way.  It is still a work in progress, as is everything.  This is homework central every afternoon.  

The living room is straight ahead when you walk in the front door. 

One shot of the master bedroom...

These stables are in the back corner of our property, and I believe they helped seal the deal for Jody.  Yes, those are cows- not ours, a neighbors, but Jody has big plans....

This is the view from the back porch.

The laundry room still needs some organization, and these pictures really don't do it justice.  It also didn't help that it had flooded earlier in the afternoon (notice all the cords), but this room makes me HAPPY!  There are so many cabinets, a huge closet, room for a second fridge, definitely a deal clincher for me, as was the huge pantry.  I couldn't get a good picture of the pantry, but it was built with a large family and food storage in mind:)

The master bath was such a bonus.  It was not on my list of necessary things to have an amazing master bathroom, but I sure don't mind it!

I think it is so pretty at night.

I didn't take pictures of the kids bedrooms- they're still a little boring right now.  There are four kids bedroom and two jack and jill bathrooms.  One thing that's kind of unique is that the older kids actually have their vanities in their rooms, and then the bathroom they share just has the shower and toilet.  It works out well for Braelyn- it gives her her very own space for all the getting ready things that teenage girls have...and since she shares it with a two year old, she pretty much has it to herself.  The house has fabulous storage and lots of little things that make it a great fit for our big family.  

Triple Hooray!

Saturday was a "work" day at our house.
Kids don't always like "work" days.
What they don't know is sometimes adults don't like "work" days.
But, we have to pretend we do so that hopefully our good attitudes will be contagious!
We worked long and hard on Saturday.
I thought we were all done.
Then I remembered the state of my car.
DISGUSTING.
So, I rallied the troops and told them to put their swimming suits on and meet me out front.

There was water, bubbles, laughter and fun.

The car got clean-HOORAY!

The kids enjoyed working together-DOUBLE HOORAY!!

We spent good, quality time together on Saturday-

TRIPLE HOORAY!!!

Who said work can't be fun??

The Haircut

It is late and I really should be in bed, but instead I'm sitting here to hopefully give my thoughts an opportunity to escape.  On nights like this I seem to be held prisoner by thoughts that lead to other thoughts...then other thoughts...and so on.  Sleep will come easier when my mind is not so full.

Today I cut Colton's hair.  I know-it really shouldn't be a big deal.  But to me it is.  It's like the final admission that he's not a little baby anymore.  (Now, I didn't say these thoughts would be logical, or reasonable).    I managed to put it off for awhile with the excuse that the hair cutting scissors were lost.   New scissors were purchased several weeks ago.  They taunted me from my bathroom counter.   I put them into the back of a drawer, trying to drown out the irrational arguments they started in my head.  But his hair was getting so long...I know certain family members put great effort into biting their tongues (thank you for bearing with my oddities).  Mentally preparing myself, I've been saying out loud for weeks "we really need to cut your hair!".

This morning I just took a deep breath, walked into the bathroom, and did it.  Cut his beautiful golden red locks right off.  Watched them fall lifeless onto the bathroom counter, saying "I told you so!".  And they were right.  He looks bigger, older, a handsome little boy, only not so little.  

I thought I would shed a few tears, but surprisingly enough, I was okay.  But tonight the emotion comes-- the realization that I won't fight this inner battle many more times.  Maybe only once or twice.  And then the tears do begin to form, because it's all going so fast.  How could my years having babies be that close to an end?  I remember when Braelyn was born laying on the delivery table and saying "I can't wait to do this again".  I love this part of my life. I am grateful everyday to my Father in Heaven for letting me be a mother, letting this dream come true.  I know that I am extremely blessed.  

I will be okay.

I feel a little better already.

He is still beautiful.

And he is still my baby.  

Pacifiers and Excuses

Brooklyn still has a pacifier.  She loves her pacifier.  We love that she loves her pacifier.  She turned 2 in Feb., which means she is already overdue to be off the pacifier. But you see, I have such good excuses.  The thing of it is, they make really cute girl pacifiers.  You know, they match the outfit and are shiny and pretty.  The mam website itself says "Over 50 different colors and prints to choose from make it fun to coordinate MAM pacifiers with babies’ outfits, wardrobe or daily mood. (Daily mood,seriously?) And it makes it so easy to put her to sleep, quiet her in church, or stop a fit instantly.  If you had eight kids and two babies 15 months apart, would you be anxious to take away the one thing that can accomplish all of that?   I was actually getting ready to take her off of the pacifier as soon as I was done teaching my class last summer, and before the new baby was born. But then the accident happened, and she needed it. She really did. My poor little girl got a new baby brother and a broken mommy at the same time, and my angel needed something to comfort her. Well, the new baby brother came with a pacifier too. And so it came to pass that Brooklyn realized she had access to pacifiers any time she darn well pleased. We have actually watched her walk in to Colton's room and pluck it out of his peaceful, pouty, sleeping mouth.  (She also steals his blanket in the same manner.) We realized that taking her off a pacifier would mean taking it away from the baby, and he was just little.  But now she talks.  And he is almost one.  And it is a little annoying to listen to a toddler talk through a pacifier.  And she wants it allthe time.  She will pitifully cry out "Pa--ci--fi--er" in the middle of a tantrum.  The kicker was when I was at my moms on Sunday night.  I mentioned something about taking the pacifier away from her and my sister in law asked if it was pushing her teeth out.  I of course said "No".  I mean really, what kind of mother would let her baby have a pacifier to the point of deforming her teeth?  "Her teeth came in with a really wide arch" I hear myself saying.  It is true, but I know I sounded pretty lame.  Amy looked in her mouth and said, "Oh, they are out a little".  And then in an even more feeble attempt I say, "They've always been like that".  Even as the words come out of my mouth I realize I have a problem.  I am in denial.  And to Amy's credit, she didn't utter a single word, didn't even smirk.  So Monday morning I looked in her mouth, and sure enough, her two front teeth are being pushed forward a little. And so it begins.  Taking her off the pacifier.  Right now we only use paci's for nighttime.  So far so good.  I'll let you know how STAKE CONFERENCE (read as two whole hours) goes without a paci.  We'll bring a lot of fruit snacks and hope for the best!!  

5 Things

My friend Sara tagged me about 3 weeks ago, and I am just now getting to this.  It seemed like the easiest way to ease back into blogging, because the content and format were already laid out for me, and that's about the level of energy and creativity I can muster right now.  If you've talked to me recently I'm sorry for sounding like a broken record, but I am SO tired.  I'm afraid I might be tired for the next twenty years.  Oh well.  My dad promises me I will miss all of this someday, and I choose to believe him.  It makes it a lot easier to get through the day, the week, the project, whatever, if you enjoy it while you're doing it!

5 Things I was doing 5 years ago:

1. Turning 30

2. Delivering my 6th baby, Cannon James-and little did I know how he would change my life:)

3. Happily watching my sister Amy fall in love and get married to her incredible husband Don

4. Putting my trust in the Lord and my husband Jody as I watched him drive down the street headed for Florida to try and launch a new business-leaving me with six children 9 and under, serving as primary president, teaching 2 children's performing groups and doing pest control scheduling from my home.  Happy to say, it all paid off!

5. Welcoming Jody back home two days before Christmas after two very long months, happy to have my family back under one roof!  

5 Things on my to do list for today:

1. Laundry, what else?

2. Drive for what seems like an eternity-(schools are a lot further away now that we've moved, I've used almost 3/4 a tank of gas since Tuesday morning)

3. Make a really nice dinner

4. Be patient

5. Make sure my kids know they're loved (p.s.- I cleaned the house yesterday, don't think I'm a slacker!)

5 things I would do with a million dollars:

1. Pay off my house

2. Put away enough money for six missions and eight weddings

3. Take all of my kids to go and see Amy and Don in Europe

4. Buy some land in the mountains

5. Help other people ( I know it sounds like the pageant answer, but really, what else would I need?)

5 places I have lived:

1. Provo, Utah

2. Walpole, Massachusetts 

3. Baton Rouge, Louisiana

4. Katy, Texas

5. Laie, Hawaii

5 jobs I have held:

1. Dishroom worker at BYU

2. Phone operator at BYU-Hawaii (best job on campus)

3. Orthodontic Assistant

4. Piano Teacher

5.Teaching childrens Musical Theater groups

5 things I want to be doing in five years:

1. Watching Conner graduate from high school

2. Having my girl back home for the summer after her first year of college and loving every minute of it

3. Be a positive, happy person- despite the demands of teenagers, tweens, young children, and probably a few toddlers to boot!

4. Spend more time with my best friend (Jody), although that's probably a little optimistic. (See #3)

5. Maybe, possibly, working on a degree

5 people I tag:

1. Amy

2. Amy

3. Heidi

4. Jessica

5. Bobbi